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Satire

As the country continues to earn for JNU’s fees, Kanhaiya Kumar’s warriors think its their right to bunk classes

What happens in 'Jaaunga Nahi-Kabhi University' (JNU)

As Sheela Ramdulari played Pink Floyd’s ‘we don’t need no education!’ on her Chinese headset, she looked into the mirror and uttered “I look so cute! Don’t I? Don’t I?”

This was heard by ‘another prick in the hall’ Kanteela Kumar who always stayed in a rebellion mode, so he sang back angrily System of a Down’s ‘Why don’t you ask the kids at Tiananmen Square?’ (as he went there often to collect his 1 crore).

But how could So Innocent Mannered Icon’s (SIMI) founder A K Hangal’s philanthropic son Umar Kharab see the two hearts fight! He replied, “ghar se college hai bahut door, chalo milkar lungs ke top par chillaya jaye”.

Kanteela liked the idea immediately and put on his Rs.3000 leather jacket and came out in the campus.

Dr. Khatra was called in the campus for OPD as male pattern balding was found dangerously increasing in male and female students after two decades of healthy hair. As you know The Doc likes to dress well, he was wearing an Armani blazer and was accompanied by a couple of celebrities.

Kanteela saw the group and panicked. Fear rushed through his veins as he thought of them as a group of professors who were coming to audit his room where he had hid another professor in, as right wing would term it, Apatti-Janak sthiti.

He immediately took shelter of a bush trying to hide but his sanskaars overpowered him. He wanted to pay salutations but since he had been oppressed and bench-pressed right from the very beginning of his life and could not learn them the right way, an elated Kanteela flashed at them!

Everybody knows how fixing an attendance limit for professors can be harsh, especially when all of them have to fight cases against the right wing. Wait! Is it compulsory for professors or students? Who cares? They all look the same.

A right winger once did a sandhi-vichchhed of the word ‘Attendance’ reducing it to Attend and Dance but he cleverly didn’t mention it has to be in a classroom bewildering the entire left wing. A confused LW attended the sessions of Ganga Dhaba and danced to the separatists’ tunes in the campus.

Newspapers like Dainik Ujala, Amar Jagran and Jaipur Patrika added fuel to the fire (in LW’s heart) by informing them about the most grave sin committed ever in the history of mankind by Mr. S L Regar. As everyone was about the attend their regular class, the professor bunked along with the students after reading this news. After having holy cows milk at Keventers in Connaught Place, they began inacting another Art movie (read: silent protest with colorful Placards).

Without attending any classes, JNU has had a successful history of failed politicians and if any power in the world wants to take it away, it won’t be tolerated.

As the country continues to earn for JNU’s fees, no one will tolerate their hard earned taxes to be wasted in some classroom where senior citizens will be harassed.

The law of karma states the salary you pick from the hours sitting idle in the office directly makes the life of a JNU alumnus.

(A satirical article?


Apurv Agarwal

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